As part of the Brandon Independence Day celebration, the eighth annual world championship Swiss Roll eating competition will be held behind the Brandon Inn at noon on Saturday, July 6. All are welcome to attend and/or participate in the contest. As always, there will be no cash prizes awarded to the victor, though the honor and prestige will last a lifetime.
Regrettably, and as regular readers of The Reporter are aware, this year's annual Duckie race has been marred by the vicious and unprovoked attack on last year's runner-up Winky. Fellow duckie Canyon has been charged with the assault, though he vigorously denies the charges. As has been previously disclosed, Canyon had been incarcerated at the Marble Valley Correctional Facility until his escape last month. The Swiss Roll Committee assures the public that its security apparatus has been working closely with federal and state officials (and Interpol), to ensure that neither Canyon nor any other nefarious persons or organizations interfere with this year's Swiss Roll eating competition. An unnamed source has advised that security for the competition will exceed the level of security provided at the Super Bowl earlier this year.
We anticipate a great deal of international interest in the competition this year, as it is a qualifying event for the Paris Olympics. Athletes from dozens of countries across the globe are expected to descend upon Brandon in the coming days. While Team USA looks strong, there is no doubt that the investments made by other countries in their Swiss Roll programs are starting to pay dividends. Just look at Estonia. And, of course, the Swiss always field a strong team.
Whether you are a participant or spectator, we hope to see you behind the Brandon Inn on July 6 at noon. It promises to be a thrilling event.
Thank You,
Jim Leary
Chairperson
Brandon Swiss Roll Eating Contest Committee